We always hear "the
rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side. These are our
rules!
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If
it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching
about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not a quests
to
see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing
of the
tides. Let it be.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive
than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting
married is that married women always cut their hair,
and by then you're stuck with her.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
to think of
it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries
on a
calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes
you
think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of
thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every
question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends
are for.
A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See
a doctor.
Check your oil! Please.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask
us. We
refuse to answer.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and
one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other
one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how
you want
it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do
it, just do it
yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during
commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither
do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the
first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining
to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin
is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack
of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we
care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just
not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an
answer you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine.
Really.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's
Bruce
Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter
what the hell they're saying anyway.)
It is neither in your best interest or ours to take
the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep
on the
couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind
that, it's like
camping.
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